He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
