Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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