she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
