how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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