you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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