my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
