Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
