my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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