i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
