Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
