Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
