Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
