you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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