every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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