ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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