Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
