I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
