We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
