I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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