You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
