she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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