By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
