I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize