New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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