I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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