I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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