Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize