tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize