i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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