Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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