i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
