tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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