Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
