Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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