I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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