If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
