i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
