im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
