We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
