Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
