you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
