You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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