i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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