he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
