forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
