This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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