I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
