I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
