ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
