I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
