I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
