How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
