i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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