this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
