So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
