You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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