No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
