The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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