why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
