Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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