She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize