My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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