either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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