The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize