I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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