apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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