i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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