on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
