Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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