when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
