hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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